Food To Get You Laid

Where has the element of surprise in romanticism gone? It’s been buried between the pages of cooking books, far from most eyes of North American men living in the 21st Century.

See, women love men who cook. Yet, men have allowed their opposite counterparts to feel a little more territorial in the kitchen ever since the day mammoths went extinct. Frankly, we’re just lazy.

What if you could alter the balance that we, as a society, have grown so accustomed to? What if you could change the upsetting stereotype that men are clumsy in the kitchen? The sensual intimidation could very well win her over – even if it is just for one night.

You don’t need to possess a strong understanding of the finer aspects of culinary skills gentlemen, just pretend you do. Take advantage of the hour she’ll have all eyes on you and your newfound talent with a cutting board.

Keep in mind, if you’re a douchebag to begin with, no recipe on the face of this green earth will ever get you in your mate’s good book.

Don’t expect a miracle. Set your charm in full effect, be mannerly, take a compliment, but don’t let it go to your head.

First, you will need to learn how to use fine herbs, exotic fruits and hormone-inducing aphrodisiacs to conjure a dish that will leave your lady brimming and hungry for more; even if you are the average male who happens to have a bus pass, eat Nature Valley bars and pull in a two-figure income, you can do this.

 Dinnertime is best. For a start, acquire a distinctiveness for oils. Expand your repertoire to accommodate everything from grape seed to flax and sesame. These oils are a rich source of essential fatty acids and they also trigger free estrogen and testosterone production in both sexes.

 “I recommend the use of omega-acids to most of my older patients suffering from sexual dysfunction,” says Dr. Timothy Cregan, an Ottawa-based private physician. “Including these oils into your everyday life with moderation can benefit hormone production at a young age.”

 Although not an aphrodisiac, the nutty yet delicately acquired taste of flax and sesame will appeal to any customer. Having these oils on hand and being fairly aware of how to put them to good use may convince her you have clearly done this before.

Lose rubber-stamped items like chocolate and opt for a different sweetness. Kama Sutra followers and enthusiasts believe honey gives lovers strength.

“This liquid aphrodisiac is charming on its own with sweetness and texture,” says David Journeaux, a convert to Buddhism and long-time enthusiast of Kama sutra. “Not to mention, the sugar boost will temporarily boost your mate’s energy levels.”

Kama sutra, the ancient Indian text of on human sexual behaviour, does more than offer spiritual exercises.

“You don’t need to be a believer of the faith to enjoy what it offers,” says Journeaux. “Kama Sutra gives us a very healthy lifestyle and its fundamentals on sexuality can do miracles for any ages if studied correctly.”

 The text lays out a nutritional foundation geared towards sexual arousal, ability and enjoyment.

 Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of sexuality and love, would certainly tell you the joys of honey herself, if she could.

 Aside from its potential to land you in a sticky situation, honey has many health benefits. “It is one of the strongest promoters of zinc,” says Dr. Faten Rabie, an Ottawa family physician and nutritionist. “A deficiency in zinc can lead to impotence later on in life.”

 Asian culture has become accustomed to the use of herbs to treat sexual dysfunction in both sexes due to its ability to trigger nitric oxide in humans. Kava and horny goat weed (the name is self-explanatory) may suffice, but the slow-growing perennial ginseng will out-last the bunch. Be creative with ginseng, especially when considering what any romantic occasion begs for: fine wine.

 Let your dirty mind seep into the Orient: Bek Se Ju is a variant of medicinal wine, popular amongst younger people for its sweet and subtle taste rather than healing properties. The Korean rice spirit is renowned for its infusion of ginseng amongst eleven other herbs. It ranges in prices and is available at most, if not all, LCBO’s across the province.

 Exotic fruits such as avocados, papayas and pomegranates are aphrodisiacs worth considering when preparing a side dish.

“Ancient history has told us that these fruits make sex more attainable and pleasurable,” says Journeaux. “Myth or fiction, it’s the mystery that intrigues us all.”

Pre-heat the oven at 350 degrees then add chicken breast or salmon fillets into a bowl and marinate it with flax or sesame oil and Bek Se Ju rice wine. Spice it with sage and garlic and let it soak for an hour. For an extra kick, add a teaspoon of honey and Amaretto to the marinating process.

The oils are essential throughout the entire preparation. Apply two tablespoons of flax oil to a pan and heat until ready, be careful not to burn the oil. Add the two marinated fillets to the pan and cook on medium-high for chicken or medium for salmon.

Cut one avocado down the middle and add almonds to the center then bake until crispy. Drizzle both finished halves with honey and serve as a side for the party of two.

Adorn the plate with fresh spinach leaves and chickpeas for décor. Serve with the Bek Se Ju or any Ginseng-based oriental wine and go with the flow. For desert – wild sex, if you’ve still got the stomach for it. Bon Appetit!


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